What if we stopped trying to make things happen?

In “The Surrender Experiment”, Michael A. Singer promotes the idea that instead of following one’s own preferences, one lets Life be in charge, and simply surrenders to whatever it asks us to do or puts on our path, whether we like it or not. The premise behind is that Life ultimately knows best what we need and what is most helpful for us in the bigger picture of our life. While we might turn down a certain job that is offered to us, because it doesn’t seem to fit our preferences or because it would take us to a place we didn’t plan to go, accepting it might just turn out to be the best thing that could ever have happened to us, in ways that we cannot even imagine from where we are currently at. While we might fiercely hold on to a relationship, letting it go might allow us to find who we are really meant to be with. While we might desperately try to get pregnant, doing everything we can to make it happen, not being able to at this point in time might turn out to be a blessing in disguise later on.

This concept requires something I have written about before: Unshakable Trust in the Universe. A trust so deep and unconditional, that you are willing to give up any control, fear or resistance, and simply surrender to the flow of Life.

This is a threatening thought to many of us. We like the notion of being in control, because we think control prevents us from pain and suffering. Yet in reality, the more we try to control the direction of our lives, the more we are bound to suffer. Life can never be controlled and it will never go “our way” all the time. When it doesn’t, we inevitably fight and struggle, we are frustrated and feel that Life is unfair. However, if Life doesn’t grant us what we think we want, there is likely a good reason for it. Our mind is so limited, that it cannot grasp the big picture of our destiny, nor even imagine all the great plans and miracles the Universe holds for us – if only we let it unfold as intended. So the art is to take Life’s way and to make it “our way”. This is the true meaning of “thy will be”.

To live, to really live means to accept and to relax into the insecurity of not knowing what will happen in the next moment. If we can trust that whatever comes our way will be good for us, we can even start to enjoy being curious about it. The possibility that absolutely crazy things or even miracles could happen just the next moment actually makes living a lot more fun.

I consciously started practicing to live more in “surrender mode” when I walked on the Camino de Santiago for 3 months in 2013. I didn’t plan my days, I just trusted in Life unfolding, following my intuition and being open and receptive. And just like the author in the book, I had some pretty amazing and transformative experiences, that I would have never made, if I had tried to control everything or stay with my personal preferences.

Surrendering to Life does not equal being passive and waiting for people to tell you what to do. While things can indeed “come” to you through other people, they can also come in form of an inspiration, an idea, a knowing, a feeling, a book, something you overhear on the street… which can then inspire you to take action – if you are open to do so and do not miss them, because you are too busy making plans. It is like a dance: You do take steps, but you let yourself be guided rather than taking the lead (at least, if you are the woman ;)). Leading, controlling and trying to make things happen is energetically Masculine, while following, surrendering and trusting is energetically Feminine. Neither is better than the other, even though we sometimes judge surrender as negative, because in our mind we equal it to defeat. Yet, collectively some men and most women (especially those of us with a strongly developed Masculine energy) could use a bit more of Feminine energy. Especially if we want to conceive a baby, which is an inherently Feminine act.

Surrendering to Life does not equal having no boundaries either. Michael doesn’t tell us to say “yes” all of the time, he tells us to say “yes” to what’s already presenting to us as a reality, and to things that our ego (mind) would actually like to say “no” to. So in the end it comes down to being able to distinguish the voice of your mind from the voice of your soul. Also, Life usually will repeatedly ask you to do, or to not do something. So if you’ve been trying to make things happen for quite some time now, without success; If you’ve said once or even several times “No, I really do not want to accept this, I want it to be differently”, but it keeps coming back to you with the same demand or question over and over, maybe it is a sign that you should try saying “yes” for a change and see what happens.