Addiction to Suffering

In order to be able to stop trashing your body without it feeling like a deprivation, it is a pre-requisite to drop your addiction to suffering.

Oh yes, so many of us are ADDICTED to suffering, to being sick and tired in one way or the other, to feeling unloved and unworthy, or at least to not living the life we secretly dream of.

It is a comfortable place to be. We don’t have to show up with courage, but can keep ourselves busy complaining or “working on improving” our health, energy, relationships… (while unconsciously sabotaging them at the same time), always postponing happiness to the future… all under the umbrella of just being “realistic”.

This addiction is rooted in the belief that there is no gain without pain, that we do not deserve lasting happiness, that we are unworthy and will always be punished and lose in Life, that what goes up must come down…

In fact, we simply could not tolerate feeling happy and being completely healthy and energetic NOW. Immediately we would feel we do not deserve it, when there is so much suffering in the world. And immediately we would become afraid, too. Afraid of the pain to lose again what we have. Because we believe it cannot last. What goes up must come down, right? And the higher we climb, the deeper we can fall, right? But even more of falling, we are afraid to lose our identity. If we built all our life around an idea of ourselves as the loser in Life (or if not the loser than definitely not the winner), who would we be if suddenly we were proven wrong?

What if we are actually loved, meant to win and be happy? What if suffering (our health problems, our toxic relationships, the job we hate) would be taken away from us?

We would have to redefine who we are. We would have to find a worthwhile purpose to spend all that energy on, all that energy that before was locked up in maintaining and taking care of our suffering. We would have to take the reins of our lives back in our hands and actually think about what we would want to experience, build, LIVE during our precious time down here, instead of just being consumed by our “poor conditions” that keep us locked in a Life that we do not really enjoy, or a Life that might give us SOME pleasure, but stays far below what we intuit could be possible… until we are eventually allowed to die. Of course, that’s what we all claim we WOULD do, IF ONLY we had the energy, time, health, money… But hey, we really do not have a choice, do we? Sick, tired, broken, bills to pay… Poor us…

We have to realize how it is US who are keeping ourselves down. We have to acknowledge how we are simply more comfortable staying down and spending our lives dreaming about the heights. How it is US who sabotage the happiness and all the good things that are presented to us NOW. How we keep ourselves down by making poor choices when it comes to food, lifestyle, relationships, activities… And yes, acknowledge the satisfaction we secretly get when as a consequence of those poor choices our “beliefs” get confirmed again. When we do indeed suffer again, become sick again, when things are “difficult”… As I pointed out in a previous article: Your results speak louder than your words

But there’s another way. We can drop our addiction to suffering. We can realize how we are indeed worthy of true love and ecstatic happiness. How we deserve the fulfillment of our hearts’ deepest desires. We can learn to see how EVERYTHING that happens to us is always happening FOR us, is always in our best interest. We can redefine what happiness actually means, that it doesn’t mean that everything will always be ok, but that despite what happens WE will always be ok. We can learn to be happy even though we have to go through difficult times. We can look for the treasure even in seemingly “negative” events. We can develop unshakable trust in the benevolence of Life and in our capacity to handle whatever comes our way. We can learn equanimity, stopping to judge events into good and bad. We can learn to look at the glass half full rather than half empty. We can realize that while there is indeed no certainty in life and that there will always be ups and downs, we can enjoy the ride and trust that even though forms might change, there will ALWAYS be enough for us and we will always get exactly what we need when we need it. Yes, we can learn to enjoy the ride through emotions: feeling sadness and anger, joy and love, in all its intensity. We can learn to enjoy the aliveness that comes from feeling deeply and living whole-heartedly. We can learn to see through the illusion of fear. Realize how it’s fear that keeps us locked in a prison, but that it’s a prison with a door wide open. And that the fear of the fear is much worse than the actual reality.

Unless you make the conscious choice to drop your addiction to suffering, NOBODY will be able to help you heal and you will stay caught in an endless loop of making an effort and sabotaging it again.

That being said, if you need support during the process, do not hesitate to reach out. I have been there too, and still sometimes find myself in old patterns, but in the meantime I have developed the consciousness to catch myself in “poor me” mode and tools to get myself out of there again. Happy to share them with you, IF you are truly dedicated to taking responsibility and are not just looking for a quick fix and someone to do the work for you…

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