Softening the need to be right

We are so polarized these days, whether it’s about food and eating, relationships and sex, gender and equality, religion and spirituality, politics and war….

Who has not found themselves in situations where someone is very opinionated about a specific topic, maybe even backing up there perspective through “science”, in order to give their arguments more weight… and still you KNOW (or think you know😉) they are wrong but there is no space, no real openness to allow in some other view, even though on the surface they might claim to be receptive. And even if it comes to debate, not even the most intelligent argument seems to have the slightest impact. They are judging you (or people like you in less personalized situations) in subtle or not so subtle ways, often for the exact things THEY are actually doing (unconsciously). It seems like the world is upside down, and you might feel very angry and frustrated and want to enter a fight with them. 

The more you learn to be present with what is moving through you and the deeper you allow yourself to dive into and explore your feelings, the more you will come to see that what has truly been triggered is your injustice and/or your rejection wound. It’s your own insecurities and fears of being perceived as dumb, egoistic, insensitive.. or whatever self-judgment you might secretly hold. It’s your desire to be seen, to be loved for who you truly are, which is natural and human, but unfortunately we are often looking for its fulfilment in places where we will never find it, exhausting ourselves in the process.

Especially if it’s someone you care about, your father, your mother, your partner, a close friend.. their inability to see you, to hear you, to feel you in your essence HURTS and you might get into the mechanism of trying harder and harder to show and convince them that you ARE smart, sensitive, caring,…, you might invest more and more energy and time to defend your points and yourself, to make them see your truth, to make them see YOU and the Love that you are at heart. There is a certain desperation, a clenching, a NEED to make them see. And it is that clenching that you have to learn to relax. 

It is not about NOT speaking up, it is not about hiding your truth. It is about not being attached to the IMPACT of your truth, about not being attached to a SPECIFIC person “getting” you. It’s first and foremost about learning to see, hear, feel and know yourself in your essence, to HOLD yourself in your depth- and to relax into that inner knowing and the reassuring safety that comes from it. 

There always seems to be a “right” way to do life and of course it’s our way of looking at things that is the right one. The truth is there are many truths AND at the same time there is only one deeper truth which I personally believe is actually the same in everybody’s hearts.

If YOU can soften your need to be right, your need to force certain people to see and love you for who you truly are; if YOU can accept that people simply vibrate at different frecuencies, navigate at different levels of awareness, you can stop taking their rejection of your core personally and start granting them the freedom of being who and how they choose to be at that moment, even if you can see and feel “more” in them. You can start attracting those people who are already resonating with you and able to truly get you. Not only does that save you a LOT of energy, it also prepares the ground for true health and peace – inside and out. 

Allow others to be what they want to be and to believe what they want to believe, even if you think – or know- they are “wrong”. In fact, even if someone – or we ourselves – are wrong (which we all are at times), there is really no such thing, since we can only learn through our experiences, including our “mistakes”. Ultimately it’s all making sense in the bigger picture, so let’s learn to live and to let live and to really arrive at that place of inner peace. 

And that requires softening, relaxing, opening that which is currently contracted.


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