The importance of making your story right

Think about the story you have been telling yourself about yourself, especially when it comes to the hard and difficult moments of your life, the challenges you had to face when it comes to your health, your relationships, work, finances… Is it a story full of annoying problems, anger, sadness, regret, sarcasm, complaining, “poor me” and “if only’s”? Or is it a story of valuable insights, important learning opportunities, courage, humility, gratitude, compassion, “lucky me” and “thank you’s”? If you could do it all again, would you want to change your life? Or would you take the hard times again, because you know you wouldn’t be who and where you are right now without them?

We can have lived through the same hardship and still might be telling ourselves completely different stories!

For example, I continue to find unexpected and extremely valuable insights – treasures really – in the two early pregnancy losses I experienced in July 2017 and February 2018 (will share more about that in an updated post soon). In consequence I feel deep awe & gratitude whenever I think of them. The story I am telling myself is that I am loved, worthy & deserving and that it all happened FOR me, not to me nor against me.

Compare that to the way most people feel about that same kind of or similar experiences. Rather than being received as a loving gift, the event is perceived as a punishment and strengthens beliefs of unworthiness or personal failure. The story is: I am not good enough. I am unworthy of lasting love and happiness. I do not deserve what I desire and will always be suffering.

The difference is the underlying belief system. Do you believe and trust in Life (and your body) to be on your side or against you? Beliefs inform thoughts, thoughts inform emotions and emotions inform actions. You will only feel differently about something, if your beliefs change (read more in “friend vs. enemy mindset”). What you believe is tightly linked to your self-esteem.

The story you tell yourself is your most powerful tool and makes the difference in everything: from your physical & emotional health over your success in just about any area of life (work, finances, relationships…) to your sense of happiness & fulfillment.

This is why it is crucial that you re-story – your life in general, your specific challenge with health, fertility, hormones… or a seemingly negative event such as early pregnancy loss. Yes, your life might have been hard, you might have suffered big times, not been treated fairly or even been abused… but you can grow out of the hardship, you don’t have to be a victim or suffer for the rest of your life from it. You are not a bad person because of your past nor does your past have to define your future.

To the contrary, your story can be your biggest asset! In fact, lamenting your past makes you miss out on the incredible opportunity to give meaning to it. You can actually learn from your difficulties and transform them into fertilizer for your future! Your story is what makes you unique. The hardship you have endured was not in vain, but qualifies you to serve this planet and its beings in a way that only you can.

Your purpose is in your story!

The experiences you made, the lessons you learned along the way, your innate & acquired talents and wisdom, your particular strengths and also weaknesses – even your physical characteristics all point the way to your unique life’s purpose – the difference only YOU can make because of all your unique assets.

Without the experience of my two early pregnancy losses I would not have gotten as deep into the thematic of hormones and adrenal fatigue (hpa- axis dysfunction) as I have. I would not have learned how to deal with extreme anxiety, find my inner anchor and develop unshakable trust in the Universe no matter what. I would have continued to push away the inner knowing that I was not in the right relationship and that it was not the right time nor place yet. I would not have embarked on the path of Tantra, which has so deeply transformed both my personal and professional way of being and showing up. I would not have gotten back on the Camino and thus not have found all that I found there (place, people, my name Concha…). I would not have gained the clarity I needed when it comes to the successful gestation and birthing of my book. I would thus not have been in a position to get so much closer to my true self and to fulfilling my true purpose.

As soon as you switch your mindset from “Life is my Enemy” to “Life is my Friend” , you can start to realize how all you had to go through actually served your purpose on this planet. This inner shift will inevitably be followed by outer shifts, usually allowing you to finally lose unwanted symptoms and improving the quality of your life experience dramatically.

In order to help you re-story ask yourself the following questions:

  • In what way did your past (or present) struggles serve you?
  • What was/is their function in the bigger picture of your life?
  • What would have NOT happened without them?
  • What skills did they teach you or what skills are you being asked to learn?
  • Can you accept where you are currently at without judgement?

When you stop complaining, you stop making your life and who you are wrong. It’s not a mistake. It all happened for a reason and in your best interest. Trust that you are exactly where you need to be and that somehow all of what you have lived and are living right now serves your true purpose. Even if you are currently not yet where you would like to be: Re-story by considering it all a spiritual task to grow.

By making your story right, you are making yourself right. And by making yourself right, you get out of constant resistance and conflict with a part of yourself, out of fight-or-flight mode and thus out of stress, inflammation, disease and subfertility. Instead, you drop into deep alignment with all of who you are, into relaxation, and thus into the place where true healing can finally take place.

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