Why I am not in favor of assisted fertility treatments
This is a delicate topic, yet one that has to be raised and that I feel about very strongly. Most of my colleagues in the field of holistic fertility would tell you that their recommendations will be beneficial for you also during fertility treatments. While I do agree that they will definitely help you to increase the probability of a positive outcome, I am nonetheless opposed to combining the two approaches. Not because I don’t grant you the joy of having a child, but because I care about your (and also your child’s) long-term health and fertility.
Fertility issues ask us to drop deep into our Feminine energy. When talking about Feminine and Masculine energy, I am not referring to a woman or a man, I am talking about the yin and yang aspect of all things. Both men and women have Feminine and Masculine energies inside of them. Energetically the Feminine energy is about surrender, opening up and receiving, while the Masculine energy is about pushing, forcing, going after things and trying to make them happen. Now where would you put IVF or artificial insemination?
Exactly… assisted fertility is a rather masculine approach to fertility. Yet the road always informs the destination, and we cannot drop deeply into our Feminine, walking down a Masculine path. It is intrinsically contradictory, like walking into two different directions, and even though we might be able to conceive that way, we do not attend to the deeper spiritual lessons we are asked to embrace that way, which ultimately is not in our best interest.
I don’t know about you, but I don’t know anybody who chooses the road of assisted fertility treatment out of deep inner serenity. And even if there might be some exceptions, going for IVF usually implies that you do not fully trust Life to be on your side. It usually implies that you do not fully trust your body to do its job on its own. It probably feels like your body and/or Life is failing you. You are anxious and feel like if you don’t take lead, it just won’t happen. And that is right, it might just not happen, or just not yet, but that might actually be a blessing in disguise.
If you are not able to conceive naturally at this point in time, there is a good physical, emotional or even spiritual reason for that, and your task is to go on a journey of exploration and discovery, to find out about this reason and the gifts it holds for you.
In order to do so, it is a prerequisite to stop pushing, forcing and trying to make things happen, when it is clear, that the body and/or the outer circumstances are simply not ready yet. The human body is extremely intelligent and absolutely knows how to self-regulate things like appetite, heart beat and also hormones. It knows exactly how to create a baby. Survival and procreation are its basic instincts after all. Your job is not to take over that role from your body. Your job simply is to make sure to provide the body with all the necessary raw materials (nutrient-dense food, water, sleep, rest, uplifting and supportive thoughts…) and to create the optimal circumstances for it to do its job – and then to trust and let go. Adopting a perspective of absolute trust into the body changes the focus from where the body is failing us, to where we might be failing our body. Oftentimes, we need to learn to mother ourselves first, before we are allowed to mother another human being.
As much as modern fertility treatments have their place in the fertility realm, they should – if at all – only be turned to as a last resort – after all other, natural and non-invasive means have been given an honest and fair try, and after the body has been given sufficient time to recover more than the bare minimum. Yes, you might get results quicker by combining diet and lifestyle recommendations with fertility treatments, but quicker is not always better. You might run out of battery quicker as well, in fact…
In nature, Mother Earth will not allow to go beyond her reserves because that would further weaken or even kill her or her offspring. If she (the soil = your body) is overworked and exhausted, she might still allow flowers to form (i.e. still ovulate), but refuse to receive the new seed. Plants (= children) that are grown in such poor quality soil become weak, sick and lose their capacity to reproduce. Not being able to conceive is thus body wisdom in action. If you force your body beyond its capacities, you will not only harm yourself (by further depleting your already empty batteries) but you will also harm your children (by sending them on the way with empty rather than full batteries).
If your goal is not only to get pregnant, but also to optimize your and your child’s long-term health and fertility, you should give yourself enough time to reload your batteries completely, before you ask them to supply you and your child through a pregnancy & beyond.
Fertility treatments are no walk in the park, but a heavy intervention in a woman’s hormonal metabolism and have the potential to do more bad than good to her health, especially in the long-run. I have heard more than one woman describe the treatment process as inhumane, humiliating, painful and traumatizing. Not the best energy to conceive a baby, if you ask me, especially considering the “as above so below” principle. Apart from the pain and the potential side effects, these treatments also come with a huge price tag – fertility is a very lucrative business in fact. Some voices suspect that this might lead to unnecessary treatments being pushed on couples in some cases…
In any case, it is unfortunately a given that nowadays couples are often directed towards assisted fertility directly, without them ever even getting serious or competent advice on diet, lifestyle and mindset measures – which would be much more cost-effective, gentle and side-effect-free. At most, the advice they do get is limited to things like “stop smoking and drinking, eat lots of fruits and vegetables, take folic acid, and avoid animal fat and protein”, some of which is actually even counterproductive to fertility… This is no surprise considering that few doctors actually learn about these things and how they relate to fertility symptoms. That’s a pity, because I feel that many cases could be prevented in that way, and even if not, the couple would at least learn more evolved ways of doing food and life, which would benefit their overall health independent of having a baby or not.
Because of all that, I ask my fertility clients to put any assisted fertility treatment plans on hold at least for the time of our work together. I want them to give the work a full-hearted try. Your struggles with fertility are not a punishment nor are they random. They are most likely protecting you from bigger harm. Turning to assisted fertility too early misses the valuable opportunity to look beyond the surface and to find valuable treasures.